Welcome to the Sharia Board

Get your fatwas here, kids.

Here's a sampling and let me tell you, you can't make this stuff up:

#1: Salam. I would like to know which brand of paper towels/tissues is safe to use in USA. I used to use Bounty, but when I contacted them they said they use pork derived materials. Please advice me which product I may use.

Okay, call me crazy, but I don't think the good Lord almighty cares about which paper towels/tissues I use. (ed. note: You notice the good Moslem doesn't mention toilet paper and you know what that means... gross.)

#2: I'm a student in a madrasa and Alhumdulilah i'm married for two years now and my husband is really far from me and is studying. I can't live without him. We talk on the phone for a about three hours every day and within our conversation we end up talking about sleeping together (which we haven't) and in the end i begin to have a lot of discharge. So will such talk bring the need for a shower? The discharge comes out but i'm still not satisfied i really want to sleep with my husband but he's really far away and it's not in his hands to bring me closer to him. And question number 2. If i think of our conversations about sleeping together will that be considered masturbation? And does that discharge bring the need to take a shower too? I know you have given many answers of this sort but i really wanted an answer specific to my question.

Honey, I'm telling you. Don't do it! You'll go blind and Moslem cabbies won't pick you up because you will have an unclean animal with you!

#3: After urinating and making istinja satisfactorily I made wuzu and offered the prayers. One day after I offered the prayer I was changing the dress I just happend to gently press the tip of my penis and noticed a small drop came out from my penis. Is this normal and the prayer I did was fine? Since then I have been noticing it a drop is there but it comes out if I just very lightly press the tip of the penis.

Ick. He just "happened" to gently press the tip of his penis - yeah, right.

Words fail me. These are the burning questions from the minds of Moslems, folks. Is there any wonder they are so effed up?

Check it out. There's a lot more at the site. And it's out of Chicago.

(Want to bet there are some Obama supporters in this crowd?)
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