Obama's jobs program for bitter, small town gun-totin', Bible thumpers.

Ahh! Scrappleface.

(2008-04-12) — Senator Barack Obama today announced a plan to employ millions of bitter, small town Americans who, in their anger over jobs lost in the 1980s, have turned to guns, God, and xenophobia.

Campaigning in Pennsylvania, Sen. Obama said his new proposal addresses remarks made this week at a San Francisco fundraiser, during which he said, “You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

The presumptive Democrat presidential front runner, said his plan would employ “these Archie Bunker-type people” in government programs “to register and/or confiscate inappropriate personal firearms, to monitor churches for hate-speech about homosexuality or abortion, and to build tax-funded housing for low income illegal aliens.”
“Twenty-five years is a long time to wallow in bitterness like our friends in Pennsylvania, the Midwest and elsewhere have been doing,” said Sen. Obama, “So, until the steel mills can all be converted to casinos and re-opened, we’ll provide good government jobs at high wages that will soothe the rage, and help to re-educate these small-town folk.”
-end-